Why Do I Feel Depressed Despite Following Family Orders?

That is a very heavy thing to be carrying, and I am sorry you are going through it. Nothing is wrong with you. What you are describing is a completely understandable reaction to being in a situation where you are giving everything you have and still being met with anger. That kind of constant criticism and yelling wears a person down, and the exhaustion you feel is real—it is the cost of trying to please people who are not satisfied no matter what you do. Wanting to hurt yourself is a sign that the pain has become too much to hold inside, not that you are broken or bad.

What is actually happening

You are not lazy or weak. When someone is yelled at repeatedly, especially by the people who are supposed to be safe, the body stays in a state of high alert. That drains your energy completely. The depression and exhaustion are your mind and body saying, "I cannot keep doing this without something changing." The thought of hurting yourself is a signal that the emotional pain has become unbearable, and it is asking for help—not for punishment.

What you can do right now

• Find one safe moment alone. Go to your room, the bathroom, or even just step outside for five minutes. Breathe slowly and let your shoulders drop. You do not have to solve anything in that moment—just be away from the noise.
• Tell one person you trust. A friend, a cousin, a teacher, or even Zara here. Saying the words out loud makes the feeling less enormous. You do not need to explain everything; just say, "I am having a really hard time at home and I feel like hurting myself."
• If you feel you might act on the thought, get to a safe place. A neighbour's house, a relative's home, or a hospital emergency room. Your safety comes first, no matter what anyone at home will say later.

A longer-term thought

You cannot make someone stop yelling at you by being perfect. There is no amount of obedience that will fix their anger, because the problem is theirs, not yours. What you can do is start building a small piece of life that is yours—a skill, a job, a way out when you are old enough. That does not help tonight, but it gives you a direction. For now, the most important thing is that you do not hurt yourself. You have already done more than enough.