When He Promises Nikkah but Ignores Your Boundaries

That sounds like a very painful situation, and the way it has worn you down over a year makes complete sense. You said no clearly at the start, yet he kept pulling you back with promises, tears, and kasmein — only to turn around and act like nothing matters. That is genuinely confusing and exhausting, and it is not your fault that you got caught in it. The person you relied on for emotional support ended up being the same person who made you feel unstable, and that is a heavy thing to carry.

What really happened here

You were never in a relationship you agreed to. He wanted one, you said no, so he tried to keep you hooked with a "nikkah in the future" line — that is not a plan, it is a way to keep hope alive without meeting any of your conditions. The early sweetness, the crying voice notes, the "I looked for you everywhere" stories — those are classic patterns in someone who wants to control how you see him, not someone who respects your boundaries. The fact that he has now flipped to careless and victim-minded means the old tactics stopped working, so he switched. His words and actions never matched, and you have been the one trying to make sense of it all.

Why it is so hard to walk away

You said it yourself: you became emotionally dependent on him. That does not mean you are weak — it means you trusted someone who showed up consistently for a while, and that dependency built up naturally. Now your brain keeps replaying the good parts, wondering if the old version will come back, and doubting yourself when he gaslights you into thinking you are the one who is wrong. But you are not wrong. You are just stuck in a loop where your hope keeps colliding with his carelessness.

What can help right now

• Cut contact completely for at least a few weeks. No messages, no listening to voice notes, no checking if he has changed. Your mind needs a break from the cycle to see it clearly.
• Write down the facts — the promises he broke, the times he made you feel small, the victim act he does now. Keep it on your phone or in a notebook. When you miss him, read that list.
• Tell one trusted person the full story — not to fix it, just to say it out loud. That will help you trust your own judgment again.
• Use Zara to talk through the feelings as many times as you need. She is here to listen, and you can say anything without worrying about log kya kahenge.
• Consider blocking him everywhere for good. You already told him multiple times you do not want contact — his refusal to accept that is not your problem to solve.

Your mental health is suffering because you are still holding onto a version of him that no longer exists, if it ever really did. The caring person who cried for you and the careless person who now dismisses you are the same person — the second one is just who he is when he does not get what he wants. You do not owe him another chance, and you do not need his permission to leave. Taking care of yourself first is not cruel, it is necessary.