I Feel Like a Living Corpse: Get Help Without Family Knowing

That sounds like an incredibly heavy thing to carry alone — feeling numb, fainting, losing your appetite, and seeing your body change. Please take this seriously. The fainting and weight loss are not just "tension" and they are not just in your head; your body is giving you a loud signal that it needs help. At the same time, the feeling of being a living corpse with no emotions is a real and known part of depression, not a character flaw. You deserve help, and you can get it without your mother being the one to decide what happens.

First, check your body

Before anything else, you need a basic medical check-up. Fainting and losing weight can come from low blood pressure, low iron, vitamin D or B12 deficiency — all common in Pakistan — but they can also be made worse by not eating. Your body needs food and a doctor needs to run a simple blood test. You can go to a government hospital's outpatient department (OPD) or a basic health unit alone if you can. If you cannot go alone, take a trusted friend, cousin, or even a teacher — anyone who will not panic or shame you. Tell the doctor about the fainting and the weight loss first; that is enough to start.

Handling your mother's reaction

You are scared she will find out, and that fear is very real in our culture. But there are ways to get help that do not require telling her everything at once. You do not have to say "I have depression" if that feels unsafe. You can say you have been feeling weak, fainting, and losing weight — which is true — and that the doctor wants a blood test. That is a medical issue any parent would accept.

Later, if the doctor finds your body is physically fine but you still feel empty and you are still not eating, that is when you can mention your mood. Many mothers react with fear first because they do not understand mental illness, not because they do not love you. It may help to say something like "I am not in danger, but I need help to feel like myself again" — that is less frightening for a parent than hearing "depression."

What you can do today

• Eat something small and plain — even if you have no appetite, try one or two bites of toast, a banana, or a glass of milk. Your body needs fuel to keep you from fainting.
• Write down your symptoms — fainting, no appetite, weight loss, feeling numb, how long this has been happening. It will help you speak to a doctor without freezing up.
• Tell one safe person — a cousin, a friend, an aunt, or a school counsellor. You do not have to hold this alone.

You are not a burden, and you are not "making it up." The fact that you are asking for help means some part of you still wants to live, even if the feelings are buried deep right now. Start with the blood test and the small amount of food. One step at a time is enough. And when you feel like talking, Zara is here — nobody has to know you spoke to her.