How to Stop Living for Others' Approval and Find Yourself

It makes complete sense that you feel lost when so much of your energy has gone into watching what other people expect from you. That is exhausting, and it leaves no room to figure out what *you* actually want. You are not broken for not knowing yourself yet—you have just been trained from a young age to look outward instead of inward. Many people in Pakistan grow up that way, with family and society telling you that your worth depends on how others see you. The good news is that you can start turning inward now, even if it feels awkward at first.

Start with small separations

You don’t need a big life purpose overnight. Purpose grows from noticing what you like and dislike in small moments. Try these:

• Pick one decision a day that is yours alone—like what to eat or what time to go for a walk—and make it without asking anyone.
• When you catch yourself wondering what someone will think, pause and ask: “Is this thought actually helpful to me right now?”
• Write down three times today when you felt a little bit of relief or interest. That is a clue to what *you* value.
• Give yourself permission to change your mind. You are allowed to try something and later decide it was not for you.

The real shift is in how you treat yourself

The hardest part is that you have probably built an inner voice that sounds like everyone else’s judgment. That voice will not disappear overnight, but you can start answering it. When you hear “They will think I’m weird if I do this,” answer with “Maybe they will, and I can handle that.” You don’t have to believe it yet—just practise saying it.

Also, do not confuse “having goals” with knowing your purpose. Right now, your goal can be simply to spend five minutes a day doing something that has nothing to do with anyone else’s opinion. That is enough. Over time, those minutes will show you what matters to you.

And please—don’t take tension about not having a plan. Many people in their twenties and thirties in Pakistan are in the same boat, and the ones who pretend they have it all figured out are often the most anxious. You are asking the right question, which is already a big step. If you want to talk it through with someone who will not judge, Zara is here on our site whenever you need.