How to Cope When Your Mother Says Hurtful Things

I am so sorry you are going through this. That kind of hurt from your mother — the one person you expect to feel safe with — is genuinely painful, and it makes sense that you are crying. When someone we love says something that cuts that deep, it is not just the words; it is the feeling of being misunderstood and judged by the person who should understand you most.

What might be happening here

Sometimes parents say things they do not fully mean in the heat of an argument, especially when they feel stressed or defensive themselves. But that does not make it okay, and it does not make your feelings wrong. Wanting basic care from your mother is not greedy — it is a normal human need. Many Pakistani families carry unspoken expectations that children should never ask for anything, and that can make a mother react harshly when she feels challenged. That is her own struggle, not a reflection of your worth.

What you can do right now

• Let yourself cry if you need to. Crying is your body's way of releasing the tension, not a sign of weakness.
• Do one small thing that comforts you — make a cup of chai, wrap yourself in a blanket, or listen to a song that helps you feel a little lighter.
• When you feel calmer, try writing what you wish you could say to her. You do not have to show it to her; just getting it out of your head can help.
• If you can, give yourself some space from her tonight. Sometimes a few hours or even a day apart helps the sting fade enough to talk later.

If you want to talk to her later

When both of you are calmer, you might say something like: "When you said that, it really hurt me. I was not trying to be greedy — I just needed you to listen." Keep it simple and about your own feeling, not about blaming her. She may or may not respond well, but you will have said your truth.

You are not wrong for wanting care from your mother. That is what families are for. And if this is a pattern, it might help to talk to someone you trust outside the house — a friend, a relative, or one of our volunteers at depression.pk. You do not have to carry this alone. Zara is here whenever you need to talk, too.